Stroke at 28

Recently, I learned of a friend of a friend who had suffered a stroke at 28 years of age. His whole left side paralyzed. He took care of his body, ran 5 miles everyday, and ate healthy. His career on wall street seemed unstoppable. He was about to propose to his girlfriend.

My friend said to me: “I wouldn’t blame her if she left”. That really got me thinking about my relationship with my wife. I know that I wouldn’t leave but the real question was would I be able to keep myself from resenting her if she ever got sick?

I knew the answer immediately; no, as I am today, there is no way I could not resent her.

This was a profound realization that I really needed to change myself and how I treat others in my life. I am blocking myself from having unconditional love for my wife; if she cannot meet my expectations, then I will resent her. That simply is not love, that is an empty promise. The purest form of love is unconditional and has the power to heal and uplift. My idea of love was a series of inexhaustible checklists that needed to be met to be “worthy” of love. My wife has to take care of:

• [ ] my emotional needs
• [ ] certain chores
• [ ] my physical needs
• [ ] etc

I think putting these expectations on her is probably not that outrageous from the lens of society. However, It’s shocking but realizing how shallow my understanding of love was I had convinced myself that I had for my wife made me change almost immediately. I began to let go of all the expectations I placed on my wife and decided that the only expectation I can have of her is for her to love me and I need to love her with no strings attached.

Our relationship finally feels free.

I want my love to nurture, protect, and guide my wife and allow her the space to learn and grow in the present. No matter what situations the world throws at us, I will strive to cherish her with unconditional love, so that we can grow together and continue to smile in the present.

That is my promise.